That nostalgic night before the last exam (September_2020)

This pandemic is already on the nerves of each and every individual, but, for us, the students, with every other day passing, those nerves are also getting pierced with needles, especially for the final year students, for whom, those very needles are heated and moulded with destiny's heat.

Honestly speaking, everything was kinda fine, and a latent happiness was there... or maybe, not happiness, I guess, relief and that feeling of freedom from the thought that the next day I have an exam to appear for. Even though, this mind has never given a damn about the exams, except for the night before. Still, that bewaring thought, asking me to focus on the books, was echoing inside.

Basically, for me and procrastinators like me, the night before the exam, it usually is the phase when the brain is working in artificially created pressure and is at its almost best state, coz it doesn't want you, rather itself, to fail. And in between all this pressure was also that one thought, that, what if, what if it would've started flipping those pages earlier, or maybe, a lot earlier… Anyway, in between all this was that 2nd para's latent happiness, and somehow, yes, I would say somehow, somehow the hands shifted from those pages of pulp to that electronic device of silicon... Well, next is something which can be simply assumed, by even the slightest knowledge on basic traits of a procrastinator, or maybe even of a person with minimal addiction to mobile phones.

So, yea, there were scrolls and slides, and in those scrolls and slides was a post, rather, a story, a story which was common, like, every other person in my contact list with their last exam tomorrow, i.e; on 8th September 2020 had that. The post, it was maybe aimed for some other stream but, was edited to satisfy the needs of my stream. How do I know? Well, there was the name of my stream in the heading of that post, but, it was just not fitting in with its surrounding text, it was as if someone has used a correction pen, replaced the real text with the new one, and hence, a useless post, to trigger the emotional part of the brain, ready to go. A little bit of editing and ready to be forwarded by final year students, for eternity...

Consequently, that 2nd para's latent happiness, it got covered with another emotion, emotion of.... emotion of... like, latent sadness and a slight feeling of heart sinking in, in itself. That one, one post, one long forwarded useless post, it brought in a wave of something in the emotional equilibrium of latent happiness.

That wave of something, honestly, it was really something, it was even more mixed and messed up than that 2nd paragraph's latent happiness. Like, it had to happen anyway, it was known, like, from the first day itself. It was known that a day would come, when the reasons of the whole group meeting together would come short. I know, if someone really wants to meet, the college life's end, it won't be an issue at all. But, honestly speaking, only one's friends don't form the college that we know of, neither does that college building itself, nor the inclusion of your teachers would weigh in for the perfect definition of “college”.

So, what all is missing?

Well, of course, those three, the teachers, your friends, and that building of concrete would contribute for a major part of that definition. But, not fully. Did you give a thought about that silent person of your class? Or, maybe, that backbencher whom you may or may not consider as your friend, but, makes the class fun. That arch-nemesis of yours? You may not like him/ her for your own reasons, but he/she is also a part of your college days, isn’t it? Maybe them getting in trouble be giving you some sort of satisfaction. That one teacher who is not liked by you, maybe they hated you too... turns out, you both are not huge fans of each other... Well, all those sweet and sour relations are something worth missing…

That schedule, those timings, that timetable, all that you used to follow, no matter how strict or lenient, there is a good chance that you may not be a huge fan of it.

Now, this part, in this, the views may vary for sure, "the attending of college." I'm not sure about you, but, I used to love going to college... like, "what a new day may have for you" type of feeling was there in the heart. But, yea, I also hated a number of lectures, but, loved others.

What else.... well, how about that crush of yours? Who may or may not be staring at you..

now you may never know... you may even never know if you ever had a chance with him/her. That other guy/girl, who may have had the potential of becoming yet another crush, you may never meet him/her. Sad?

How about you and your partner, since you were already committed before the college ended, right. What makes you think it would be exactly the same?

Btw, you guys still together? (just asking)

Anyway, won't you miss that college romance of yours? That holding of hands, that intimacy you had, both, physical and mental, that flirting and jealously, all that… you know, right. Won't you miss all those moments you had, moments on those benches, gardens and other places, of-course.

Or, were you among those who were in a long distance relationship? Or maybe, when your partner was away from you and hence those conversations you secretly were having with your partner, be it your privacy from those classmates or lecturers, on video calls, voice calls, or texting. Or maybe you were quite open about it and very cool showing your girl/guy around.

Those moments of friendship, love, enmity that you had in your college or through it.

Those trips, that you enjoyed or maybe, criticized, but you had them, those moments.

The next trip won't be that restrictive, but, also, it won't be the same, for sure.

That stage you used to get, with audience, to show your skills, to get recognised and awarded, your chance to get famous. It’s also a part of that very college life that you may miss.

That waking up, hoping for it to be a good day, dressing up for the college and those last minutes of each day, when you were very very eager for the class to end.

All that and a lot lot more, honestly.

Maybe you get what I mean to say…

So, back to me. That post and this disturbance in the emotional equilibrium of my head; And my mind, with procrastination, it was also overthinking, overthinking that…

This is it, the inevitable, the college life is about to end. What a great way for it to end, though, not even a speed breaker farewell party, just a direct crash into the life… but, thanks to the airbags of COVID, there is to be a buffer between us and the life. Those very COVID airbags, however, have hurt some bones, including the backbone of the world’s economy, that too, quite bad, hence affecting us and the human civilization, as a whole...

For sure, 2020-batch’s crash into the life is quite different from the ones who crashed before. Gonna be tough, but yea, will manage, will have to...

* For the curious minds,

that long forwarded useless post,

"Last exam of the_stream tomorrow

Tomorrow, one last time, in between the exam, take a pause, take one or two deep breaths, its probably the last time you guys will sit together in a lecture hall. Live that moment, just experience that, try to capture it in your eyes, properly, and leave the hall with a happy face.

Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened."

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